There I was, innocently repairing fencing when, “OW, HEY!” I was bleeding. Near the base of the fence was this strange plant. It was small and inconspicuous, though it harbored satanic desires…it thirsted for blood. Every leaf bristled with syringe-like spines reaching for flesh. I had but to barely brush against it and I bled. This demonic foliage has the unique ability to slip through my toughest jeans, my toughest jacket, and my leather work gloves! So I dubbed it and its ilk, “vampire plants”.
Picture courtesy of these guys.
Every time I ran across a vampire plant I kicked the crap out of it with my pointy western boots and chanted a few choice words with each blow.
Then I found out its true name, Silybum Marianum or Blessed Milk Thistle. Apparently it’s a holy plant.
“How could this be?” I thought, “It can’t be holy! It makes me holey, I have scabs!” Sure enough, it's depicted in some religious German artwork featuring the Virgin Mary and is thought to have gained its white venous leaves from a drop of her milk.I stopped kicking and cussing at the plant.
It also turns out that Milk Thistle has astounding liver healing properties as study after study has proven. It can even save a person from dying after eating the dreaded Death Cap Mushroom. Milk Thistle’s seeds are rich in Silymarin, which is the active ingredient that helps the liver fight off things that would otherwise damage it, like alcohol. The herb is also used to help liver cancer patients recover from radiation. It’s practically a super herb! I am now smitten with Milk Thistle.
It’s a good thing too because my property was overrun with this tiny plant which grew to be over six feet tall with barbs that were just as sharp but significantly longer. Now I’m like, “Grow baby, grow!” because I wanted to harvest the seeds. I had no idea what to do with them though, so I ate a few. Not bad. Not great, but not bad. A little bitter, I wouldn’t eat them by the bushel or anything.
I ended up throwing the majority away, but harvesting it was fun. Although, my wife did think I had gone a little nutty. She just can't understand this undying love for a satanic-looking, pain-producing plant.
Son, you should have known it was a good plant, it is purple.
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