Meat Stick of Pestilence

Hearkening back to my days of nerdome, I recall what it was like not having a career and working for Target on the sales floor team, aka merchandise-straightener-upper.

I have run across some pretty disgusting things in my three years of service in retail, and restocked countless carts of out of place merchandise, but never had I come in contact with an item that was in such need of destruction until the day I found rancid meat in my cart of what we called “re-shop”.  You see, products don’t just appear in the re-shop basket, they are put there by another employee; sometimes two or more people have handled the product before it reaches the sorting baskets where it is to be put back on the shelf.  That is why I was so surprised to see a log of Hillshire Farms turkey meat gone white, green, and turquoise with mold wrapping itself around from the back of the meat stick and gripping the sides like the bony fingers of death.  Apparently, the seal had broke and the meat had sat in the warm air of the store for days.  Here I was faced with a choice.  I could buy it, eat a little, endure hours of an excruciating stomach ache, and then collect a hefty sum of money from the corporation.  Or not.  With the Meat Stick of Pestilence in hand, I strode up to the checkout lanes, and showed the manager my prize.
“I believe this has the potential to take life.”  I said solemnly.
Her reply was simply, “Have Guest Services take care of it.”
I let Guest Services have it at the expense of what could have been a nice down payment on a new mansion in Beverly Hills.